[His fingers flex and tremble, curling over his lap.]
You could find better friends. I mean, um... you were a mite isolated, you know. I was the only boy around to relate to you in that manner. I'm sure... you're going to find people to re—replace me in a second flat. You just have to warm up to them first.
I'm not replacing you. There's a lot about you that I like, Jake. You argue with me about movies, get in Strifes with me, genuinely extend your compassion over things, you try to support me when I don't believe in myself... You're a unique combination. That can't be replaced.
[Flush, he tries to make himself look away from that gaze. He should, because he can't bear how sweet and kind it feels, but he wants to have that gaze on him. He swallows and nods, his own voice quiet.]
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Why?
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[Something else, too. But he keeps that to himself.]
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You could find better friends. I mean, um... you were a mite isolated, you know. I was the only boy around to relate to you in that manner. I'm sure... you're going to find people to re—replace me in a second flat. You just have to warm up to them first.
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[Quiet. But no less firm.]
I'm not replacing you. There's a lot about you that I like, Jake. You argue with me about movies, get in Strifes with me, genuinely extend your compassion over things, you try to support me when I don't believe in myself... You're a unique combination. That can't be replaced.
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...If you ever decide to, I'll understand.
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[Then quieter, unable to look at him:] I... don't want you to leave me behind.
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[He wants to hold Jake's hand. But he's scared to push him, to ask for more intimacy than Jake can handle.]
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[He tries to draw himself up, to bring his legs close, but he winces and stops that.]
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You—are you okay/
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I'm fine. Thanks, Dirk.
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[He knows it sounds like a platitude but he smiles, sincere as ever.]
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It's crazy how you really, sincerely mean that.
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Of course I mean it.