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[potentite]

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[splinten]

You aren't.

[He has no right to say this. He knows it. Still, he forces it out, makes himself say it, because Jake needs to hear it even if Dirk shouldn't be the one saying it.]

You care deeply and feel intensely. That opens you up to getting hurt, so you avoid them. The feelings are still there, though. You're just scared of them because you know better than any of us how you can lose who you love.

That's how I see it, anyway.

[potentite]

[His fingers curl over his thighs as he breathes in, slow and shallow.]

I... Yeah. It's... losing someone feels... It feels...

[After a moment he just shakes his head.]

Empty. And lonely. And cold.

[splinten]

[He doesn't want to intrude on this. So, in a low, quiet voice,]

Yeah.

[That sounds like feeling something to me.]

[potentite]

[He clears his throat, somewhat embarrassed.]

Um. Yeah. So... I wouldn't want you guys to know that feeling.

[It occurs to him, rather suddenly, that Dirk does now. Maybe not for the duration Jake did. But he mentioned how they must have been doomed. So, he saw him and Jane dead at least.]

I'm sorry. I didn't— I didn't want you to...

[splinten]

It wasn't your fault.

[potentite]

I'm still sorry you had to feel that.

[splinten]

We're both feeling it.

[Because the girls aren't here.]

[potentite]

Maybe they'll be along later.

[It's worth hoping so at least.]

[splinten]

Yeah.

[Hope isn't Dirk's thing. But he wants it.]

[potentite]

[After a moment of silence, he looks at Dirk.]

Are you... Um... How are you feeling?

[splinten]

I'm okay. I didn't get injured.

[No stab wounds!

He's stupid.]

[potentite]

I meant, um, a bit more towards the emotional and mental range of things.

[splinten]

[Oh.]

[Hm.]

I'm mostly focused on fixing this weird, shitty situation we're in.

[potentite]

Ah. Well... Um, if I can assist you somehow, you can tell me. But, um, if you want to talk about... anything, um, my ears are open.

[splinten]

[He kind of pauses.]

I don't... know what to do now. Regarding what's at home. I always had a pretty clear set of instructions in front of me. Now I'm not actually for anything in specific.

I don't know, man. It's strange.

[potentite]

[After a moment, he scoots to the side, so that there is now a clear space on the bed for him to sit.]

You don't have to be for anything, do you? I'm certainly not.

[splinten]

[Another moment of uncertainty. He comes over to the side of the bed, and checks Jake's expression to make sure he's okay with it.]

We were all always for something.

[potentite]

[Jake nods, looking at him. It's okay.]

I... suppose that's true. I can't deny that.

[splinten]

[He sits down beside him, slowly and carefully. But he accepts that nod.]

It's possible that us fucking up as phenomenally as we did is really all a part of the great cosmic horror show that is Paradox Space's demands.

[potentite]

[His body wants to lean against him, part habit but also just the desire there. He doesn't.]

So... our only purpose might've been to die?

[splinten]

[Dirk wants to hold his hand.]

To die in exactly the way we did after doing exactly what we did. It feels like the kind of shit P. Space might pull.

[potentite]

Well, that puts us in a pickle, huh.

[It's the most underrated reaction, meaning of course that it upsets him a lot.]

[splinten]

Maybe.

On the other hand, maybe it means we don't have to deal with Paradox Space's particular brand of crap anymore. Optimistic slant, I guess.

[potentite]

[Jake thinks about it, staring ahead with a small frown.]

Now that you say that, I realise I have no idea what I would do with my life anyway.

[splinten]

Me either. It isn't really a contingency plan I thought about.