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[potentite]

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[splinten]

[and now, for the most stupidly belated question of all time]

Do you like me? Like...like like me?

[He realizes why he's saying and presses a hand to his face.]

Oh my God I'm a fuckin' cliche.

[potentite]

[God, his skin feels hot and burning and not from the painkillers wearing off, either (thank God they aren't yet).]

I mean, um, I did say compared to Roxy, it feels like what I feel isn't... enough... but... [His voice becomes mumbled and shy.] I liked having you as my boyfriend. I'm sorry.

[splinten]

[His heart jumps.]

Why are you sorry?

Wait—Why don't you think it's enough?

[potentite]

Because it obviously wasn't a pleasant experience for you.

[Dating him, he means. And then he looks down at his lap, frowning.]

Roxy... did tell me, actually. About pestering you. That she loves you so deeply she couldn't contain it and hassled you almost everyday about it, because you're basically the one she wants! That just seeing you down makes her feel terrible. That she can even say those special words so easily about you and so meaningfully and I...

[Why does this hurt? Why he is so stupid?]

You both hold on so tight to what you love. And here's me, making a hasty retreat every time things get too intense. Whatever I feel, it's not good enough.

[splinten]

[There's the part of this that's about him. He doesn't know how to face that. For a moment, he sets it aside, because the other part, he knows what to do with.]

Behaviour or expression isn't necessarily the mark of true feeling. That's especially the case if someone has a hard time admitting things even to themselves.

[potentite]

[Even though it's hard to imagine it's true, he glances up.]

You really think so? You don't think I'm incapable of love?

[splinten]

I know you aren't. [It's so obvious to him. Jake is Jake.] Just because you don't show it the same way doesn't make it less.

[potentite]

It feels less.

[That's what it comes down to really. He's just not good enough and neither are his feelings.]

[splinten]

You aren't.

[He has no right to say this. He knows it. Still, he forces it out, makes himself say it, because Jake needs to hear it even if Dirk shouldn't be the one saying it.]

You care deeply and feel intensely. That opens you up to getting hurt, so you avoid them. The feelings are still there, though. You're just scared of them because you know better than any of us how you can lose who you love.

That's how I see it, anyway.

[potentite]

[His fingers curl over his thighs as he breathes in, slow and shallow.]

I... Yeah. It's... losing someone feels... It feels...

[After a moment he just shakes his head.]

Empty. And lonely. And cold.

[splinten]

[He doesn't want to intrude on this. So, in a low, quiet voice,]

Yeah.

[That sounds like feeling something to me.]

[potentite]

[He clears his throat, somewhat embarrassed.]

Um. Yeah. So... I wouldn't want you guys to know that feeling.

[It occurs to him, rather suddenly, that Dirk does now. Maybe not for the duration Jake did. But he mentioned how they must have been doomed. So, he saw him and Jane dead at least.]

I'm sorry. I didn't— I didn't want you to...

[splinten]

It wasn't your fault.

[potentite]

I'm still sorry you had to feel that.

[splinten]

We're both feeling it.

[Because the girls aren't here.]

[potentite]

Maybe they'll be along later.

[It's worth hoping so at least.]

[splinten]

Yeah.

[Hope isn't Dirk's thing. But he wants it.]

[potentite]

[After a moment of silence, he looks at Dirk.]

Are you... Um... How are you feeling?

[splinten]

I'm okay. I didn't get injured.

[No stab wounds!

He's stupid.]

[potentite]

I meant, um, a bit more towards the emotional and mental range of things.

[splinten]

[Oh.]

[Hm.]

I'm mostly focused on fixing this weird, shitty situation we're in.

[potentite]

Ah. Well... Um, if I can assist you somehow, you can tell me. But, um, if you want to talk about... anything, um, my ears are open.

[splinten]

[He kind of pauses.]

I don't... know what to do now. Regarding what's at home. I always had a pretty clear set of instructions in front of me. Now I'm not actually for anything in specific.

I don't know, man. It's strange.

[potentite]

[After a moment, he scoots to the side, so that there is now a clear space on the bed for him to sit.]

You don't have to be for anything, do you? I'm certainly not.

[splinten]

[Another moment of uncertainty. He comes over to the side of the bed, and checks Jake's expression to make sure he's okay with it.]

We were all always for something.